If
this were a leap year, today would be a big day for women who are tired of
waiting for their boyfriends to pop the question. There is a surprising amount
of lore out there surrounding this day, but what is it about leap years that
make people so superstitious about marriage?
Women
in Finland consider a Leap Day proposal good luck, but if the man refuses her
offer he must repay her with a yard of fine fabric so she can make a skirt (as if that is going to make her feel better?). Old
Scottish lore says that Queen Margaret enacted a law in 1288 that allowed women
to propose, but only if she wore a red petticoat to warn her to-be betrothed of what
she intended to do. He had to say yes unless he was already spoken for or else pay a hefty fine. Or you might remember the 2010 movie Leap Year in which Amy
Adams goes through Hell and high water to try to propose to her boyfriend on
Leap Day. The root of that story hails from Ireland where legend has it that
St. Brigid of Kildare, a nun, asked St. Patrick to allow women to propose to
their beaus on Leap Day if their suitors were too shy to do it themselves. But
there was a catch here too. If the man says no, he owes her a silk gown to
lessen the blow (again, as if that would help!).
All
of these Plan B’s and back up plans might lead one to assume that this whole
women proposing on Leap Day thing just isn’t meant to be. I am all about women’s
rights, and we have come a long way, but modern-day studies show that society
these days doesn’t altogether approve of women proposing to men. It turns out
that when it comes to matters of the heart, people still crave tradition.
Last
February, Katherine Parkin, an expert on the
topic, exhaustively studied old post cards, news articles and
advertisements produced between 1906 and 1969 looking for clues to the origins and
opinions of the Leap Day custom. Despite the monumentus advances women made
during this time – earning the right to vote, breaking the sound barrier, winning
Nobel Peace Prizes - the mockery that came along with them proposing to a man
never subsided. Most of the research shows that women who proposed were
ridiculed and their actions seemed to only reinforce the norms society was accustom to when it came to proposing.
So
where does these leave modern-day women? 2016 brings us another leap year;
should they take matters into their own hands and stop allowing the man to have
all the control? Women make more money now, only sometimes take a man’s last
name in marriage, and have every basic freedom a man does…but, the answer turns
out to be no. Researchers from the University of California, Santa
Cruz, found that despite
more liberal views on almost every other topic, a majority of both men and
women hold traditional views on proposals. Not one of the 136 men surveyed said
he “would definitely want” his partner to propose. And none of the 141 women
surveyed said they “would definitely want” to ask the question themselves. The
doctors who conducted the study
think these results stem from what they call benevolent sexism, which is, “the assumption of traditional
gender roles in which men should protect, cherish, and provide for women.”
I hope I don’t offend anyone by saying this, but I think this is great! I believe
gentlemanly acts are things that should never die. Charles Murray agrees with
me in his blog post on the topic entitled, “The
bad news is that gentlemanly behavior makes people happy.” If both sexes
are happier and gain more life satisfaction from this gentlemanly behavior they
call “sexism”, then we are all for it.
Our conclusion? Talk about it with your partner. Just like
everything we preach here at Bespoke Proposals, it should be personalized to
the couple no matter who says the words. If you’re both cool with it, got for it! If not, let
tradition win and wait just a little while longer.
Think he needs a hint? Take
the sneaky route and let us push him along! Send us his email address and we’ll
send him something inconspicuous that lets him know now is the time.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments section below.
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